The following post is from Cathi Stegall who is the wife of a church planter and lives in Ohio. Check out Cathy’s blog, “A Life of Perpetual Transition.”
So, I’ve come to realize that even though I had colossal fears when Mark initially spoke of being a pastor and church planter, my identity is far beyond merely a pastor or church planter’s wife.
What fears, you ask?
Appearance: Well, first of all, I didn’t want to “look” like a pastors wife. You’ve got another thing coming if you think you’d see me in a floral t-length dress or Winnie the Pooh jumper, matching cardigan, bleach blonde permed hair and way too much makeup…or worse yet, no makeup at all. Who created this monster in my head? I have no idea.
Activities: As much as I love spending time at church doing church-y related activities; I’m not planning on spending every night of my week in a Bible Study, baking cookies, or at an overly planned retreat.
Family: The idea of procreating a smaller version of Mark and me is more than scary it’s terrifying. Both Mark and I are recipients of The Mother’s Curse “Just wait until you have kids of your own!” Need I say more?
Hence, the cold, wet blanket that sat heavily over my shoulders contributing to the other fears of stretched finances, further education, complex relationships and my own identity.
That was almost 10 years ago. How have these fears changed over the last decade?
Well, it was Mark who addressed these fears with me head on. He encouraged me to find my identity in Christ, which would ultimately result in a confident, educated, authentic woman who happens to be a church planter’s wife.
My appearance: Last I checked, H&M and Urban Outfitters don’t carry said t-length dresses or Disney Jumpers, and my hair is the furthest away from the likes of Tammy Fae, thank you very much.
My activities: I began learning the art of saying no…not an easy feat, but doable for sure. It’s ok that I’m pursuing further education. It’s ok that I don’t attend every service or activity. It’s even ok that I don’t like to cook or bake!
My family: We’ve finally gotten used to the perpetual question, “So, when are you having kids” and have decided that we will cross that proverbial bridge when we get there and hope we don’t alternatively jump off.
Are the fears completely absolved? Not entirely. I continue to learn how my identity is not defined by my husband’s choice of work but is rewarded by it, that I am an individual who reciprocally reflects life and passion, and that my emotions, intellect and will are God-given and can further contribute to my role as a woman who just happens to be married to a church planter.
