Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, spoke at the Ministers Wives Luncheon during the Southern Baptist Convention about what it takes to love a leader.
Click here to read a summary of the seven things Chapman told the ladies that they must know to love their leader husbands.
Anything you would add to this list?
Find yourself pinching pennies a lot? You’re not alone. In a survey we conducted, we found that finances are the number one stressor for church planting families. (You can find our full research report here.)
How does your family deal with the stress of finances?
This post was written by Kim Whipple. Kim and her husband planted The Church at the Ridge two years ago in Hiram/Douglasville, Georgia. Excerpts from this post are taken from Kim’s blog.
Church planting is at times a very scary ride. I will be honest and let you know that finances are probably one of the most frightening areas. Here are some of the questions that go through your head. Will we have enough to survive? Will our partners be faithful and give? Will our congregation give? Can we make payroll? Can we pay rent for the facility? Being the wife of a lead pastor, you not only feel the weight of making your own payroll, but I think you feel an even bigger responsibility when it comes to the staff and you may worry about there being enough to pay the staff as well.
The only advice I can give you in this area is to personally live on a budget and trust God to provide. Budget seems to be a four-letter word among some people. Really all it is, as Dave Ramsey says, is telling your money where to go instead of your money, or lack of it, controlling you. Thankfully, my husband and I read Dave’s book several years ago and had been trying to apply some of the principles. Unfortunately, we didn’t get the most benefit from it until recently, when as a church we offered his Financial Peace class to the community. In my opinion, for what it’s worth, every staff family should go through Financial Peace.
Not only is it good for you and your staff to be on the same page concerning finances, you and your husband must be on the same page too. There is more than enough stress with planting alone. You don’t need the added stress of managing the finances by yourself, nor should you live in the other extreme, not having a clue what your budget is at all. Both you and your husband need to know where the money is going. Most marriage conflict is money related. Don’t think that just because you are a pastor/church planter family that your marriage will somehow be immune. Be proactive. Budget together each month. As Dave Ramsey says, “Put it on paper, on purpose.”
Having been a minister’s wife for over twenty years, I can say from experience that God always shows up when we have a need. Usually, it is what we considered the last possible moment. Don’t take away the chance for God to bless you and show those around you who He really is by whipping out the credit card when things get tough. Our God is bigger than that. If He called you to this journey, He will meet your needs. Remember, manage well what He gives you and pray for wisdom along the way.
“Let people in your home and let them hear you laugh and be ridiculous. Let them help you cook and clean up and see you serve and learn to serve. Let them see you as real and in that reality see you work out your relationship with your husband and your God. They will see it and be amazed.”
Quote from Kim McManus from the book My Husband wants to be a Church Planter… So What Will That Make Me?
The following post comes to us from Sue Ferguson, former church planter wife, and author of the chapter “Life as a CPK (Church Planter Kid)” from My Husband wants to be a Church Planter… So What Will That Make Me? Check out Sue’s Web site www.WomanofJoy.com.
The pastor’s family of an established church is often said to live in a fish bowl. A church planter’s family doesn’t just live in the fish bowl, they invite everyone 
they meet to dive into the bowl and swim with them! This privilege offers more benefits than challenges when your expectations are realistic and healthy habits are established. Shared lives preach more clearly than the most eloquent messages.
A fish bowl needs routine maintenance; a sparkling appearance is much easier to keep than reclaim after neglect. Without a church building or because of limited access to your meeting facility, often your home becomes the church’s gathering place. Form habits that make your house always ready for guests.
Focus on tasks that appeal to individual family members and make assignments accordingly. Most of the stress of frequent guests is eliminated when you feel good about your home’s appearance each time you open the door. If your norm is neatness and order, on the occasions when things are a little in disarray, no one will care. They’ll understand you live there and feel better about the mess they left at their house to come to yours!
Fish shouldn’t be overfed and neither should your guests. Don’t burden yourself with unnecessary extravagance; simple snacks and beverages are adequate for most gatherings. When people ask if they can bring something say, “Yes, thank you.” Suggest items that require little time commitment on their part and eliminate expense for you. Keep a cabinet shelf stocked with basic items to pull from when necessary.
On occasion, plan for shared meals, such as potlucks or theme nights where you prepare the main course and others bring side dishes. Preparing food, eating around a table, and cleaning up together provide opportunities to build relationships. Dessert nights provide the same benefit. Serve ice cream and have everyone bring a topping.
Fish need a protective retreat spot or a shell under which to hide. Sharing your lives is a blessing, but you need rest, time to refresh and be replenished. Set aside time for your family. Openly say, “We reserve ___day and ___day for our family.” Let voicemail help you prioritize any calls you receive on those days. If someone knocks at your door, step on to the porch and say, “Hi, we’re enjoying some family time; what can I do for you?” People will most often respect your privacy and learn your schedule.
Looking into a fish bowl gives an illusion of what it is like to live inside; swimming alongside your family offers opportunity to teach by modeling—your marriage, your parenting and your ever-deepening relationship with Jesus Christ. Be yourself, eagerly learning from the Master and He will use your everyday activities to form a school of followers.
Enjoy the swim!
The following post was written by Amber Plymale. Amber and her husband planted a church in O’Fallon, Missouri about three years ago. (If you have a story you would like to have posted, please email it to us at planterwives@namb.net)
In the early days of church planting, we had a handful of people (on a good Sunday) and things were stressful, to say the least. I often would find myself daydreaming of the day when we wouldn’t have to wonder whether anyone was going to show up for service, but people would just COME every Sunday (preferably LOTS of them). Those would be the glory days… life would finally be easy. I was letting the stress and anxiety of church planting rob me of my joy, and I knew it, but as soon as we grew bigger, then I would be joyful again. Or so I thought.
Well, by the grace of God, our church got over the hump and really started to grow. I could hardly contain my excitement! We started having well over 100 people regularly. What a change! We praised God for it. I was joyful again at last, but oh, the joy didn’t last long. All the sudden my husband’s workload became much bigger. There were programs to put in place, baby Christians to disciple, phone calls to visitors to be made, small group leader meetings, etc. Plus, he still had to prepare a sermon every week. Having all of these people show up was wonderful, but now we had to start DOING something with them or we feared we would lose them. The task was overwhelming.
My joy was zapped once again. I started to daydream about the day we would grow big enough to hire an associate pastor or a children’s minister. Now that would be great. Those would be the glory days. Life would finally be easy. I would be joyful again! But didn’t I say that last time? What happened? Were there really “glory days” in church planting or was it just one big vicious cycle? Were we destined to work ourselves to death without ever finding those greener pastures? This hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried out to God in prayer. Through that still small voice and a series of circumstances, God began to do a work in my heart. I was focusing too much on my circumstances and not enough on the One who was in control of those circumstances. My joy was based on our church plant and not on the One who had called us to plant the church. My focus was totally out of focus. My joy should be found in Him and Him ALONE. I already knew that, but somehow the stressors of church planting had made me forget.
Now, as I write this, I wish I could say that I am totally changed. I can tell this will be an ongoing battle for me. I have to continually remind myself that I can be joyful each and every day (even at 9am on Sunday morning when both nursery workers call to say they overslept). I can be joyful even when my husband is working late (again) and my children are driving me crazy. I can be joyful because the same God who called us to plant this church will sustain us. But I cannot take my focus off Him because the world, with all its problems, will start to creep back in. I’ve found that when my focus is truly in focus (on Christ), then I can live each and every day in my greener pasture!
Our blog for church planter wives is now a month old and as we look to the future, we would like your input. If you could take just a couple minutes to complete a five question, anonymous survey we would greatly appreciate it! Click here to take the survey.
The following post is from Cathi Stegall who is the wife of a church planter and lives in Ohio. Check out Cathy’s blog, “A Life of Perpetual Transition.”
So, I’ve come to realize that even though I had colossal fears when Mark initially spoke of being a pastor and church planter, my identity is far beyond merely a pastor or church planter’s wife.
What fears, you ask?
Appearance: Well, first of all, I didn’t want to “look” like a pastors wife. You’ve got another thing coming if you think you’d see me in a floral t-length dress or Winnie the Pooh jumper, matching cardigan, bleach blonde permed hair and way too much makeup…or worse yet, no makeup at all. Who created this monster in my head? I have no idea.
Activities: As much as I love spending time at church doing church-y related activities; I’m not planning on spending every night of my week in a Bible Study, baking cookies, or at an overly planned retreat.
Family: The idea of procreating a smaller version of Mark and me is more than scary it’s terrifying. Both Mark and I are recipients of The Mother’s Curse “Just wait until you have kids of your own!” Need I say more?
Hence, the cold, wet blanket that sat heavily over my shoulders contributing to the other fears of stretched finances, further education, complex relationships and my own identity.
That was almost 10 years ago. How have these fears changed over the last decade?
Well, it was Mark who addressed these fears with me head on. He encouraged me to find my identity in Christ, which would ultimately result in a confident, educated, authentic woman who happens to be a church planter’s wife.
My appearance: Last I checked, H&M and Urban Outfitters don’t carry said t-length dresses or Disney Jumpers, and my hair is the furthest away from the likes of Tammy Fae, thank you very much.
My activities: I began learning the art of saying no…not an easy feat, but doable for sure. It’s ok that I’m pursuing further education. It’s ok that I don’t attend every service or activity. It’s even ok that I don’t like to cook or bake!
My family: We’ve finally gotten used to the perpetual question, “So, when are you having kids” and have decided that we will cross that proverbial bridge when we get there and hope we don’t alternatively jump off.
Are the fears completely absolved? Not entirely. I continue to learn how my identity is not defined by my husband’s choice of work but is rewarded by it, that I am an individual who reciprocally reflects life and passion, and that my emotions, intellect and will are God-given and can further contribute to my role as a woman who just happens to be married to a church planter.
